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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Second fiddle

I learned early on in my marriage to accept the fact that people (and animals) will always like my husband better than than like me. That's ok, he's often a much nicer person than I am, but that's why I love him.

A couple of examples:

It was I who first spotted our little dog, Sammy, in the window of the Humane Society wagon. I was the one who held her and we brought her home. She somehow knew that in our home, I was the rescuer. She sat by my side every chance she got. She would run and greet me at the door excitedly whenever I got home from work.

Then Sammy realized that I'm the person who can't sit still for very long. I'm the person who disappears for days on business trips.

I quickly became second fiddle. I'm sitting on the couch, Sammy tucked in neatly beside me with my hand stroking her head, and hubby comes and plops down in the chair across the room. A nano second later, Sammy's in his lap. Hmmm.

He grabs his jacket to head out the door and Sammy's on his heels.

She clearly still loves me and I'm her first choice when I hop in bed and she wants to snuggle. But I'm playing second fiddle the rest of the time.

Now I love my husband and I don't mind playing second fiddle, well except...maybe with the grandkids.

I try to be the ever spoiling grandmother - "E" they call me. But inevitably the mom in me kicks in and says, "Too much candy," or "I don't think you should jump from there."

Papa on the other hand is unfailingly more fun.

In 2010 when my son and his daughters came to stay with us for a few weeks while his wife settled into a new job and found a house in Washington state, I was amused by how much my granddaughters, especially his shadow, Willow, liked to go to Home Depot with him.

It so happened one day, I went with Papa and Willow to Home Depot on an errand. While he was paying for some items, she and I walked outside and sat on a bench to wait.

"Papa and I always sit here when we come to Home Depot," she said.

"You take a short rest before you walk back home?" I asked.

"Nope. We eat our candy bars before we go back," she said, clearly bemoaning the fact that I had no candy bar for her.

Busted. So all it takes is a little bribery?

So now, I make sure I have gum and suckers in my bag when the grandkids are around. Sammy gets treats from me on a regular basis when my hubby's not looking. It doesn't matter that the gum and suckers are sugar free or that the doggie treats are natural, healthy and never at the dinner table.

The competition is all in jest. We know the grandkids and the dog love us equally, and second fiddle's not so bad.

Really. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some chocolate heart-shaped boxes to mail to grandkids from "E."


V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios said...

For years, I felt people like my husband more than me. He was "easier." Pleasant. Great at small talk. Friendly.

I hated feeling like I was in his shadow, somehow difficult or "dark" in comparison. Too "thinky."

Many years passed and eventually I broke out of social circles built around church and suburbia and discovered I had my own tribe! People that "got" me. That liked my offbeat sense of humor, literary and artsy tendencies, and thinky ways. And I uniformly rule with all the pets. I am always the FAVORITE. And yes, that makes me happy.

Cissy said...

That's funny. I guess I have my tribe of folks too - writers, thinkers, creative types.

And, I don't even have to bribe them. Well, maybe. Wine doesn't count does it?